Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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