had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
