Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
