omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
