You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
