i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
