if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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