dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
