I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
