Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
