U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
