haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
