Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
