Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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