Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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