I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize