I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
