then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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