that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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