the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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