My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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