I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize