I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
