Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
