im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
