I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize