I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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