Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
