The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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