I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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