i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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