I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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