and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
