I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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