idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Buhtt sex?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
