He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
