you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
