i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just want to make out with him forever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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