i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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