Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
