real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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