I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
