i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
