It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
