i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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