she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
