you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
