I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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