um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
