We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
