it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize