Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
