u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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