Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
