I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
