and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
