my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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