these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
