She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
