I heard we made out
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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