well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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