I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
worst night to have a conscience
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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