I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
