Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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