I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
