I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
