my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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