just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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