i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
